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Episode Recap:You Guys Are Dumber Than You Look

Survivor is back on the air already. Todd has barely gotten to wear his crown as the China champ and yet here we are again, watching Jeff dangle off a helicopter somewhere over the south pacific.

This season the gimmick is Fans vs. Favorites: 20 castaways, 10 former players, 10 rabid fans. Who picked half of these favorites? Yau-man and Ozzy are no-brainers. Parvati? I didn’t get her casting the first time and I still don’t. Fine, what’s done is done. I am, however – and I may be one of few – thrilled to have Cirie and Jonathan back. If only Shane made the cut so I could enjoy just one more of his manic fits. Alas, I’ll make do with Johnny Fairplay and his nonsense.

The Fans, who make up the tribe Airai, look to be a promising bunch though I suspect Kathy-I’ve-never-had-a-homosexual-friend is not long for these beaches. And then there’s that dude who wants to out-Ozzy Ozzy. Mikey B. I just like for some reason. This group has got spunk and they used it to smoke the over-confident Malakal tribe of favorites in the initial immunity challenge.

That challenge, by the way, was a hoot. Wheel making, cart racing, bridge crossing, fire woks. All of it was good ole Survivor ingenuity at its best, though the most entertaining part for me was Eliza’s head-over-heels tumble from the cart. She was like Charlie Brown sailing through the air after Lucy snatched away the football. I’m still chuckling. So much for your trash talking, Eliza.

Maybe Malakal had it coming to them. Here’s a group of folk, supposedly masters of the game who before they even had the immunity challenge were choosing whom to vote out first. Self-fulfill your prophecy much? Their walk of shame back to camp was so pathetic I almost stopped giggling at Eliza.

Here’s the thing. For people who have played this game I am woefully disappointed at their showing and their strategizing. Already two factions have emerged among the favorites. Eliza, Yau-man, Jonathan, Ami and possibly Fairplay. Then there are Ozzy, James, Amanda, Parvati and possibly Fairplay. Cirie stands alone. Fairplay’s dual citizenship in both alliances, of course, leads him to believe that he’s Survivor’s MVP. As such, he then volunteers to go home after bending the tribe’s ear over how pending fatherhood has changed him. Huh?

Yes America, Johhny Fairplay is a changed man. A better man. He even cried in his confessional. And yet I’m not buying what he’s selling. Whatever Johnny’s motives were – and I suspect he wanted to make a memorable exit given that he probably wouldn’t go far in the game – he was this season’s first loss. Buh-bye.

Thus begins the 16th installment of the world’s best reality show. I leave you with some questions. What is Ozzy wearing? That striped tank is so a No. Is Parvati lying to herself saying that she’s not going to “flirt” this time around all the while getting handsy with James? Did Ami braid her hair like that on purpose? What, was the point of the immunity idols on the beach and is it time to retire those idols entirely? I don’t think they’ve ever played out the way the producers hoped they would. And why, WHY isn’t Michelle from Cook Islands, on this season?